Aadat Se Mazboot!

Children don’t just inherit our genes, but also our habits! The habits that are inculcated in a child especially during the formative years of his life will go on to define not just his physical health but also his emotional and mental well being. Here are some that will prove to be  really helpful in ensuring your child’s all-round well being when he grows!

1. Ditching the burgers and the soda - You are what you eat. Fast foods and sodas now rule almost every mealtime where it used to be an occasional indulgence earlier! Inculcate healthy eating. Make it a habit to check food labels, and maintain a healthy eating pattern for the rest of the family as well. Begin with a nutritious breakfast to get the day running.

2. Physical activities & Playing Outdoor - With electronic gadgets ruling our lives, the parks and playgrounds wear a deserted look like never before. Encourage your child to play outside. Seek play-buddies of the child’s age group since young and set a fixed time to outdoor play at least thrice a week. Further, once the child is five, enroll the child into a sport or a sporting programme. Alternatively, you could begin taking your child in physical activities.

3. Inculcate Positivity -  The mind is a powerful weapon. Small deeds and habits that impart generosity, hopefulness, inspiration, joy, kindness need to be looked at regularly for a well developed self esteem. Parents must also be aware that they are role models for their kids and to cultivate habits like meditation, expressing gratitude go a long way in nurturing positivity in their atmosphere.  

4. Limiting screen time -  We need to relearn how to connect with our surroundings and people and one another by disconnecting from the virtual world and television. Apart from developing health problems like eye disorders, poor posture, too much screen time is known to cause behavioral issues and impact academic.

5. Inculcating Hygiene - Inculcating good hygiene habits is a crucial part in maintaining health. Inculcate the habit to brush twice a day and floss their teeth once older. Washing and keeping dry private parts daily, taking bath daily and washing hands before every meal is rather important. It is also important to make them realise the importance of keeping their surroundings clean.

6. Sleep -  A good night’s sleep is critical in the overall development of the child. It ensures the child is rested and energised for the day ahead. A set bedtime cutoff and routine also inculcates good sleeping habit and helps prevent sleeping disorders. Limit screen time as much as possible and avoid it just before the bedtime.

7. Family Time is Sacrosanct -  A family ought to stay connected and what better way than to do so in a fun way! Set aside family rituals that are sacrosanct to build bonds and encourage children feel confident to share their feelings and apprehensions. Keep the communication channel open, always. Listen to your child attentively when he is young so he knows you take him seriously and will not think twice about approaching you in the future.

8. Read everyday - This is one of the most rewarding habits you can inculcate in your child. Reading a book just before bedtime enhances the bond between you and you child. It also improves vocabulary, diction, and the creative side of your child. Set aside a reading hour and curl on the sofa with your child and enter a magical world together!

9. Using the Golden words - Sorry, Please, Thank You - these golden words not only help set a tone of kindness, respect and compassion in your personal interactions it also grounds an individual. In order to be successful you must be able to influence people and these golden words work like a charm when used sincerely.

10. Saving money - In this age of commercialisation and bombardment of marketing messages propagating it, never before has it been more imperative to help make children realise the value of every penny. Perhaps one of the biggest lessons we can impart to our children is that things are to be used and people and moments to be cherished.

Remember not to force children to develop these. For any habit to get inculcated, it is a  gradual process. Of course, you are the best role model your child can have so make it an endeavour to raise yourself first. Children learn most effectively by example!

Inspiring Journeys of Their Own

Maya (name changed) is a dear friend of mine and mother of a 11 year old, ‘strong willed’ daughter, Zara. Zara is a typical 11 year old, with oodles of confidence that may come across as aggression and with amazing will power and zeal. She excels in subjects and activities she likes. However, she hardly cares about electives she doesn’t like. Maya was at her wits end coaxing Zara into paying attention to all subjects and making her involved in extra curricular subjects she didn’t enjoy much, but  Zara disregarded all of it. Her older brother on the other hand is an all-rounder, an obedient and disciplined child which often sparks off unfair comparisons between the two at family dinners and parties. Zara has extremely strong opinions and preferences and wasn’t shy of asserting them. ‘Well-meaning’ relatives would often tell Maya as to how she should look at enrolling her in boarding or day boarding schools to put her wayward child into before she completely lost control. Am sure we are all acquainted with such little Zaras.

Up until very recently strong willed children were the ones society labelled as stubborn, rebels, wayward, in short, the untamable. They were to be dealt with punitively - either physical or emotional threats were made to conform them to the set mould. Unfortunately in the process, many of these children’s spirits would be crushed, some would run away from home and others would end up rebelling. However, now, slowly mindsets are changing thanks to parent counselling, and awareness. Strong willed children may be quite a handful to handle but they are blessed with an enormous will power and sense of determination which needs to be tapped and directed. When Maya approached me with the problems she faced she was an anxious mother. Here are some simple tips to make raising such wilful spunks who want to live by their rules -

1. Identify the negotiables and non-negotiables - Set them apart from the negotiable ones. Know what is sacred to your little one. Understand if it can be done their way and why it may be important to them. Even if it can’t be done their way you must understand why it may be important. Once you acknowledge that, there are chances they will feel as if they have been seen and heard. Try to chalk a middle path. However, also firmly identify the non-negotiable components. They need to know it has to be done regardless.
2. Focus on the positives - Instead of only focusing on the difficult behaviour, make it a point to focus on positives and initiate a reward system. Have a stars or smiley system or assign points to tasks completed and have a routine reward point acknowledgement every week. Also, set aside the child from the behaviour. There’s a difference in letting child know what comprises bad behaviour and pulling him down. Never make the mistake of crushing a child’s spirit. S/he may never forget nor forgive you for it.
3. Environment adjustment - if they have siblings, try not to interfere much and encourage the children to sort the battles amongst themselves. Also,fights with friends need to be tackled by them; refrain from interfering into their affairs. You may get a lot of ‘complaints’ from parents and while you need to pay heed to them, never admonish a child or berate him/her in front of others.
4. Be willing to unlearn - This will be one of the biggest parenting lessons perhaps - to let go and to accept your child for who s/he is. A lot of times, children will challenge you or set beliefs of how ‘nice’ children are supposed to be. Remember, though they may pretend not to care, they do! They may challenge you but also try to recognise your tipping points - why is something so important to you; or why would a behaviour upset you. Don’t try to seek validation of your being a good parent to what others feel about your child’s behaviour or how they perceive your children. Don’t treat your child as a project, doing so, will only push him/her further away.

Remember, the key is simply to shape the will of the child while guarding the spirit. So they may inspire their own journeys.